Why did I get married?

No, that is not just the title of a Tyler Perry movie. Although I do love the movie, it really makes you ask yourself, why did I get married? It makes you challenge your mind, and think what would I do if I knew my friends husband was cheating on her? To take time, and put family before work. To stop arguing, and learn to communicate and understand each other. Learning to stop comparing you and your spouse to other couples because all those couples out there that seem so perfect, may not have it all together.

The point I am trying to make here, is that your not alone, everyone has their problems, and their challenges. And at the end of the day it's asking, is this still worth fighting for? Is this still worth having? Why did I get married?

I ran across this old post from 2007 on Oprah.com. Basically she brings on a few couples from newlyweds, and second timers, together to talk about the realities of marriage and what this question means to them. I am not going to post the entire article in this blog, but just a few parts that spoke to me. So just click on the link if your interested in reading the entire post.

Whether you've been married 5 months or 50 years, Oprah thinks this is something husbands and wives should sit down and discuss. "I bet there are so many people who are married, and they never even thought about why they got married," she says.

Couple #1 Julie & Jim: said they got married because Julie was pregnant with their first child.
They go on to say that the first few years of marriage were more stressful than they imagined, and that they didn't really know what to expect. "At 23 we were in love, but we were doing what we were supposed to because we had a child on the way."

Before the wedding, Julie says she thought marriage would be easy and that the romance would never fade. She was wrong, "The marriage, it was very, very difficult," she says. "I had this dream of beauty, and (I thought) it was going to be wonderful. But in the real world, it doesn't happen like that."

Couple #2 Bernice & Steve: they are the 'second timers' They do not put Steve's reasoning for getting married a second time but Bernice stated "I really wanted to be married. I wanted the companionship," she says. "I wanted the fulfillment. I wanted another warm body in the bed with me at night."

The couple married five years ago, and they say the second time's a charm! "This is the easiest marriage," Bernice says. "Marriage is supposed to be easy, and with Steve, everything is so easy."

Couple #3 David & Sally: This is David's second marriage and Sally's first. David's answer was "I knew intrinsically what the reasons were, but I wasn't sure I had the right answer for it," he says. "Every time I've been asked that question in the past five days, I've had a different answer to it." As for Sally her this was her answer, "I wanted to have companionship and just be together with David."

They did not get married until they were in their forties, David says he and Sally decided it was time to settle down and have a family. "I think when you're younger you have these expectations where you're going to have that puppy love thing and it's going to last forever," he says. "Our expectations were a little more realistic." The couple now has a 10-month-old baby together, and though Sally says marriage is a lot of work, it's worth the effort.

 Couple #4 Tom & Jackie: When Jackie and Tom first started dating, Tom was 25 years old. At the time, he says he never imagined himself getting married until he was closer to 55.

"We started dating, and I had just all these incredible strong feelings of, 'I want to be married to you. I want to have babies with you,'" he says. "I couldn't believe it because I was just not at that point in my life, and yet, those feelings never went away."

Jackie and Tom tied the knot nine years ago, but Tom admits marriage isn't what he thought it would be. "I thought it was going to be maybe like dating, only legal," he says. "I had no idea...it was like kind of becoming part of something bigger than myself for the first time."

Over the years, Tom and Jackie say they've gone from being two 20-somethings in love to the parents of two children. "It's been amazing to me how we've been able to accommodate each others growth at different times and on different levels," Tom says.

When Jackie was considering marriage, she says she looked to her parents for inspiration. "My parents were great role models," she says. "They fought and they laughed and they cuddled and they did all of that stuff."

Now, Jackie says she's learned for herself what it takes to have a healthy marriage. "I think a lot of marriage is understanding the other person," she says. "Not just communicating, but actually understanding what he's saying."

At the end of the day, I married Brad because I love him and because I want him in my life forever. I found someone, where I can literally not imagine what it would be like if he were not in my life. And just thinking that we might have never met, makes me want to cry inside. He makes me feel like for the first time in my life, it's okay to be myself. He makes me want to be better woman, even though I feel like I am a good person. I just want to be better, and not just for him, but for myself. He makes me feel secure and beautiful. I am a very jealous person, but Brad never gives me any cause to worry. We can be goofy together, and take walks in the park for no reason. He will do anything for me, and I him.

What I want from my readers whether they be single or married, to ask yourself, Why did I get married? Or Why do I want to get married? Remember there is no wrong answer, as Oprah said, there is only your answer. For all my married couples, I want you to remember the answer to this question during your hard times and struggles. And to all my single readers, I just want you to know the answer to this question before making the leap!